Finding Joy in the Little Things When Life Gets Hard: What a Bluegrass Festival Taught Me
If you're grieving or going through something hard right now, I want you to know it's okay to feel joy.
I mean that literally. Not "joy later, once you've earned it." Joy now, in the middle of it, alongside the heavy thing. Finding joy in the little things while life is hard isn't a betrayal of what you're carrying. It might be one of the best ways to help yourself through.
I know this because I just lived it. A little over a month ago we lost my stepmom, my bonus mom since I was 15 years old, and my family is grieving. Then this past weekend, my boyfriend and I headed to a bluegrass festival in the North Carolina mountains, a trip we’d planned with his family for nearly a year. I decided to bring my YouTube audience along and seize the chance to model something I ask my clients to do all the time:
SEEK OUT JOY. Find things to appreciate. Look for the moments, little and big, that life is putting in your path to delight you. Use these moments to help you heal and keep moving forward.
Click on the video below or read on to find out what happened. 🌿
It's OK to Feel Joy While You're Grieving — Stepping Stones Across Hard Times | Dr. Stephanie Best
When Grief and Joy Are Invited to Coexist: A Weekend at a Bluegrass Festival
We pulled up to our Vrbo and there were horses next door. The next morning I walked outside and found out the horses belonged to a riding facility, and people were taking lessons in what was basically our backyard. (Horses right out the back door, people!) What a delight. 😀
If I only showed you the horses, though, I'd be leaving out the part that matters. The whole weekend is the point, not just the highlights.
The music on the first day was wonderful and special . . . and there were times that day when it was also hard. My Dad had a tough day. That's going to happen in the early stages of grieving somebody. I could feel his pain through the phone. Partway through the festival, I realized my mind was doing exactly what we've talked about minds doing: trying to drag me out of the present moment into worry and rumination. So I used the same dropping anchor tool I walked you through in a previous video, and it helped me stay grounded and more present.
There were lots of moments of joy that day. There were also difficult ones. It was a mixed day. And that's okay.
That's what I mean when I say grief and joy can coexist. Grief was in the car on the way there, and it was in the car on the way home. The point is that joy showed up too, and I let it. The mountains in the distance on the trolley ride from the parking lot into the festival. Ice cream at 9 o'clock at night in the summer (because sometimes it's just really good to treat yourself). Stars so bright I couldn't stop looking up. The tall person sitting in front of me who got up and left before the halfway mark of a show I really wanted to see. Two fur babies losing their minds when I walked back in the door at home. 💛
None of that erased what we'd lost. It wasn't supposed to.
Finding Joy in Hard Times: You Don't Have to Finish the Hard Thing First
Most of us carry an unspoken rule: finish the hard thing, then you get the good thing. Grieve fully, then you're allowed to laugh. Get through the crisis, then you can rest. Prove you've suffered enough, and joy will be waiting on the other side as a reward.
It's a tidy idea. It's also not how life works.
Life is rarely 100% hard or 100% good. Most days hold at least a bit of both. When you believe you have to finish the hard thing before you've earned the good thing, you end up turning joy away, right when it could do you the most good. Finding joy in hard times is psychological flexibility in action. You hold the pain and the joy together, in the same body, on the same afternoon, without insisting that one leave before the other arrives. I wrote about this from a different angle when pain and joy showed up together at my Dad's 80th birthday party.
To be clear, this isn’t me pushing you to search for silver linings. It isn't about trying to gratitude-journal your way out of grief. I'm not asking you to find the lesson in the loss or reframe it. I’m inviting you to widen the lens and see the bigger picture. Joy isn't disloyal to grief, or to who or what you've lost. It's the other half of being human.
Finding Joy in the Little Things: Stepping Stones Across Hard Times
Here's the image that carried me through the weekend. Imagine your life is like a river, with both calm sections and more turbulent stretches. It’s much easier to cross over turbulent water if you take advantage of the stepping stones available to you. They're there to support you. Each one holds you for a moment, so you can put your weight down and recharge your battery before you take the next step.
The little joys in life are the stepping stones. They won't carry you to the other side, but if you let them, they can help you feel more grounded, catch your breath, and get your bearings. They can even remind you that beauty still exists all around you in this great big world.
So the practice of finding joy in the little things is simple, and it's active. Don't wait for joy to find you. Open up your senses and go looking for it! When something joyful crosses your path — even and especially something that seems minor — lean in. Allow it in.
Here are some of my favorite stepping stones from this past weekend . . . Horses at the fence. Mountain views from the open-air trolley. A little morning yoga before the music (because movement does wonders for processing difficult emotion). Coffee with my family. Live bluegrass. Ice cream. Stars. An unobstructed view. An excited dog licking my face, reunited with her human at last.
And yes, ice cream cones most definitely count. ✨
If you want a place to start, try this today: name one thing that crossed your path in the last 24 hours that brought even a flicker of delight, and simply notice it. The next time one shows up, pause 10 seconds longer than you normally would and let your senses take it in. And when the guilt arrives (it might), pay attention to how you're talking to yourself in that moment. This isn't disloyalty. It's a stepping stone.
If someone came to mind while you were reading this, someone in your life who's grieving or going through something tough right now, send this to them. They don't need to be fixed. They might just need permission to feel joy in the midst of their pain.
And if that someone is you — permission granted. Go find a stepping stone of your own. 💫
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If you're grieving or going through something hard right now, I want you to know it's okay to feel joy.
Hi, I'm Dr. Stephanie Best. I'm a clinical psychologist and I help people who struggle with anxiety learn how to use mind-body wellness to liberate themselves from fear so they can live courageously and build lives they love.
If you've been following me, you know that I recently lost a dear family member, actually my stepmom, my bonus mom, since I was 15 years old. And we are grieving as a family. And one of the best ways that you can help yourself through a tough time is to allow yourself to still feel joy when life brings you opportunities to do it.
So this weekend, we are headed to a bluegrass music festival in the mountains of North Carolina. And I thought it might be fun for y'all if I took you along with me. And I'm going to model this for you. Seek out joy. Look for the moments little and big that life is putting in front of your path and use it to help you heal and keep moving forward. So come on along as we go to the Earl Scruggs Music Festival in Mill Spring, North Carolina.
Next source of joy. This is our Vrbo. This is where we're staying. Oh, soak it in. Look at this. And we found out we have horses next door. Check it out. Hey guys. Hey guys. Hi. Hey.
Gratitude. Gratitude goes a long way.
And the mountains in the distance.
Good morning. So, we had some wonderful music yesterday at the festival and it was really special, but it was also hard. My dad had a hard day and that's going to happen, right? When you're going through losing somebody and you're in the middle of grief and I could feel it in my own heart. So, I actually in the middle of the festival realized that my mind was doing what we've talked about minds doing, just trying to drag me away from the present moment, and I dropped some anchor like we've talked about in a previous video, which helped me to stay grounded and more present. And there were lots of moments of joy, but it was a mixed day. And that's okay. It's why it's even more important to seek out the moments, like I said, that life is bringing you that are trying to give you a chance to recharge your battery, to be able, sort of like stepping stones across the awfulness.
So I walked out this morning from our Vrbo and one of those stepping stones has presented itself to me. It turns out the horses next door are from a riding facility and people are taking lessons. So check this out.
We got horses right out our backyard, people.
What a delight. What a delight.
Okay. So, I'm about to go inside and do a little bit of yoga because a little bit of movement definitely helps with processing difficult emotion. And then I'm going to meditate and going to have some coffee and breakfast with our family here and we're going to head to the show and hopefully I'll show you a little music today. Definite moment of joy.
Wow. Hey. Woo. Yeah.
Another good thing, ice cream at 9:00 at night in the summer because sometimes it's just really good to treat yourself. Oh my god, it's so good.
You can't see them right now, but the nighttime stars are so beautiful. Another stepping stone. Seek out joy.
Another one. Look at this. This brought me joy this morning. Happy Sunday.
Another one. When somebody really tall is sitting in front of you at a show that you really want to see and then they get up and leave and your view is unobstructed and it's not even halfway through the show. Seek out joy.
And one of my favorite ways to let joy into my life is reuniting with my pets when I get back home. So, I got both of my fur babies here. If you have pets, I highly recommend it.
Hi there. As you can see, I'm back in the office. Wow. What a weekend and what an experience. I went to that festival carrying something heavy and I chose on purpose to spend the weekend looking for joy. This isn't silver linings or gratitude journaling your way out of grief. Grief was in the car on the way there and it was in the car on the way home. The point is that joy showed up too and I let it.
Joy isn't disloyal to grief or to what you've lost. It's the other half of being human. Life is rarely 100% hard or 100% good. We tend to think we have to finish the hard thing before we've earned the good thing. And that's just not true. You can hold both at once. That's psychological flexibility in real time.
So don't wait for joy to find you. Open up your senses and actively seek it out. When something crosses your path, even and especially something that seems minor, lean in. Allow it in. These are stepping stones to help you as you cross the occasionally turbulent waters of life. And yes, ice cream cones count.
If you are watching this and someone came to mind, someone in your life who's grieving or going through something tough right now, send this to them. They don't need to be fixed. They might just need permission to feel joy in the midst of their pain. I'll see you next time.
